Nothing works to plan.

It’s funny that there are so many things to write about but you are only really truly compelled to express when you are deeply hurt. Sometimes in life, you are blessed and sometimes life teaches you that things are not meant to be. I fail to understand how one lesson is taught in many different ways and what the reason for may that be.

I’ve been observing intently and some stories stare back. I’ve been happy, I’ve put foot in front of foot and made my way out of the darkness. I’ve left things behind, nearly 6-7 months after what I thought my life revolved around, I found new reasons to be happy. I made new friends, new achievements, new hobbies to keep me going and then someone, somewhere decides that you are void of pain so how does one deserve or enjoy the luxury of happiness? Sometimes some lessons you never learn. The lesson of steering clear, don’t play with fire, take time to indulge, we never listen to old wives tales, do we?

Sometimes we end up at dead ends, roadblocks, you are stuck in a place you can’t get out of and you don’t want to get out of it either but all it brings is a kind of pain. Then you sit and wonder that this is beautiful, the feeling that is evoked, the little happinesses that it brings like the morning sunshine or the drops of rain on your cheek, like the wind in your hair, the words of a lover, its all beautiful, the kind of feelings that people evoke in you, it rekindles faith, it brings alive friendships, it connects you to soulmates but sometimes the very same fragments that create a beautiful mirror also end up in shards that pierce the heart.

I sometimes wonder when I stare out the window, why do people get things they can’t keep? why do they yearn for what they can’t have? What connects ordinary people with extraordinary tales? Do shooting stars exists? Do wishes come true? Sometimes I sit and wonder why people wish for the things they do. Its never enough. I imagine happiness like an hourglass sitting on the dark edge of a window sill and the sand within slowly trickling away. Sometimes the glass is full and then suddenly its turned upside down so that its all empty again, all taken away. Has anyone constantly remained happy?

I lost friends in the period I lost A, so I had no solace, but I also made new friends and grew fond of them. Finding A and loosing A has taught me life lessons but I don’t agree that I need any more. You can learn one thing far too many times within one lifetime and that seems to be enough. You never want to repeat the mistakes, you don’t want the pain, the distance, the love that you can’t have, the fights, the bittersweetness of parting, the overwhelmed emotions of meeting.. you don’t need that when you’ve let it all go, been there and done that. But it all comes back. Life brings it back in pangs, in short gasps for air like when you come out of the water after you’ve skimmed through the ocean beds in one full breath. I don’t understand why we need these things, why can’t we look and avoid any scenario or situation that may bring us down.

I’ve found myself holding onto many things, too tightly for far too long. Most of these things are dreams or silhouettes of dreams. When you find that perfect pair of shoes, that best friend, that soulmate, you think you can never let go, you will never let go, you will never be the same if you did but those shoes don’t fit, those friends don’t need you the way you do, the soulmates are connected but aren’t allowed to hold on, then you are disappointed so deeply that you back into your little cave of emotions because of being let down. I sometimes wish that everything we acquire is easy to let go of- love, life, friends, family… it would be so much easier to have no expectations.

It would be cold and sad if we we looked out the window but didn’t wait for anyone to return, if we looked at our phones but expected no ones calls, if we celebrate an occasion but didn’t expect a few to be around, if we wanted to send away some love but it didn’t matter who the recipient was, but regardless it would all be smoother, easier, peaceful wouldn’t it? We can never have our way. A fortunate few do… but sometimes you can’t even allow words to express what you feel for another and what they make you feel because either words fail you or the fact that having them put out in black and white makes them real and harsh and sometimes you don’t want to believe what you want from a situation, a place, a person and you’d rather live the illusion than try to make it real and break with the reality it holds.

Realisation is either over zealous or deeply saddening. When you are convinced and justified that one thing has to be a certain way and not how you imagined it or hoped it to be. When you are holding on when others have long let gone, when you see the moon in the daylight and hope for the stars. Its funny how we romanticise everything in life but how reality is so much more bland and strict and within the confined lines of ones limitations and boundaries.

Nothing is anything that you’ve ever imagined, nothing will never be what you hoped for or planned for and always keep room for something to change, be taken away, be reserved or just not be yours.

– T

Pain.

I sometimes sit and wonder about random little things. Like I’ve been thinking about pain and the power of pain. There is physical pain and there is emotional pain. I can’t tell which one is worse because they are both a form of suffering but I am trying to understand if a broken arm hurts more because the bone cuts through the flesh and divulges into excruciating physical pain or a broken heart and a mind at unrest which steals away your daylight and your nights because there are no medicines to pad the unseen wound. 

If we talk about the latter, pain that is not physical, that is not curable unless ‘time heals’ as they say can be annoying. It goes deep down and is endless. It doesn’t stop, it doesn’t rest, it doesn’t kill you, you don’t end up loosing a limb, it is incessant and annoying. Because it keeps going. Pain, ironically, doesn’t give up. It painfully progresses until you can’t anymore. I’ve been doing some thinking about this sort of pain- the kind that awakens your soul and beats the hell out of trying to be ‘okay’. I’ve realised that people fight battles, people are confused, people want everything, there are expectations drawn that are sky high and then they come down to experience a pain self inflicted. 

Why and what is this pain? Usually triggered by matters that matter the most, slowly that creeps up the soul, that fills the hollow soul, the idle mind, the empty heart with a kind of venom that is uncalled for. Its fatal but it doesn’t kill. But I’ve heard that there is pleasure in pain too, it revitalises and shows you the meaning of being alive. I’ve also heard that pain allows you to appreciate the greener side, it fills you with gratitude for the times gone by, it rekindles hope for a better tomorrow. I believe human beings are designed to endure pain. Physical, mental, emotional and political. Beauty is derived out of pain like child birth (or plastic surgery!), there’s never been a love story that hasn’t hit the rough patch. It amazes me when couples don’t argue sometimes, what does that mean? How can people just co-exist, isn’t the spice of life in the little ups and downs? I don’t understand it but I am in no place to ask for a better explanation I guess. 

I’ve been trying to evaluate the causes of pain and how it affects one. Pain can be generated of any relationship, between siblings, parents and children, spouses, partners, colleagues, friends- the greatest of everything has seen the worst of everything too. I remember a fight my sister and I had a couple of years ago. We stopped speaking for 9 months- that was painful. A dear friend of mine and I are going through a very awkward rough patch, that too is painful. Very painful, because of the expectations that a relationship brings. Trying to maintain a balance always throws you off the ledge, sometimes you come clean and at others you hit rock bottom. When my parents discovered the truth behind A and me, we went into a silent phase- that was painful. Being surrounded by the ones you love and yet being so distant can be so hurting that it kills you. Sometimes we probe into truths and stories that aren’t meant for us. Some of us wonder too deeply and others just steer clear from the danger. I think its better to know something than to wonder forever, better to get up than keep dreaming and maybe every opportunity that looks like a mistake can never beat the pleasure of trying. Maybe sometimes taking a chance might be the riskiest thing to do, but the view on the other side maybe the greenest you ever saw, just maybe sometimes you can cross the line and walk past the warnings, you may discover a new world and at other times you would wish you hadn’t because with that sort of pleasure comes pain. Are you ready for that? Is one ever prepared enough for it? Pain- it doesn’t go away no matter how prepared you think you are. It finds its way back, during drinks, in the middle of the night, in between a movie, in your deepest darkest hours…

 I built so many walls around me that now I’m a ‘constant’ happy person. You let people in only means you invite pain. Everything that you let others do to you, for you, with you only leads to bonds which grow strong with time that lead to expectations and a kind of emotional attention and greed that crushes you with its fingers. When life doesn’t go your way, you are more disappointed by it than the moments it did go your way. We can’t really help it I guess. 

Sometimes you end up crying and you wonder why your cheeks are stained. Sometimes there are no answers and you just wonder why? Sometimes you look up into the night sky, choose a shining star and ask ‘this is not what I had planned for, I did not ask for this, so what kind of lesson are you teaching me this time?’ I think we expect too much from life but it sells us a little short. Its so big and pretentious that we don’t realise that expectations will always let us down, its the unexpected moments that changes our life, leaves us baffled and on the floor. 

Sometimes its funny how you find the perfect things in the most unexpected places and it brings you happiness like you’ve never know and then you find out that all of that is so short lived. It came with an expiry date. The honeymoon period gets over. Its not always happy, it may have been good, it may have revived you but now its going to take it all back and leave you empty, tired and in a state of pain. 

Sometimes you think you’ll get through it. You wait and deep breathe. You fight it with all your might, paste a smile, breath a little harder, count the hours. You wait, you wait for it to pass, like the storm. There are no prescriptions, all you have to do is wait for time to come and do its magic tricks. Sometimes you can control it, manage it and move with it until it diminishes, but just sometimes the water goes above the top. They say wounds heal with time and maybe leave a scar but they heal… I think sometimes the pain always lingers, the wound closes up but there is always behind that scar. In reality being strong is probably the only option you have. You can’t really win, pain will always have the upper hand, the ace cards- the truth is that there will always be more. Life will have some pain brewing just around the corner so you need to learn to pacify it. Sometimes you think you’ve been there, done it all and you’ve learnt all the lessons so you are ‘done’ but that’s not how it works- sometimes you are stuck in the rerun, again and again and again. 

‘Too often, the thing you want most, is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken. It wears us out. Desire can wreck your life’ and the pain that follows leaves you in shambles. 

At the end of it, you survive. You maybe broken but you survive it because that’s how life is designed. It breaks you down and picks you up and asks you to face the next ground shaking matter with the strong front. You survive because we are survivors. We survive the pain, the heartbreak, the empty desires, we get through it all. 

-Love,

T

Oh my GOD! Discovered!

You know when you start writing and you continue writing for a few years, you smudge out the photos and blur out any possibility of ever being discovered by the ‘known’ people in your life? And you think that your anonymous blog will never be discovered like all the other things that you hid and thought that they will always die a silent death? Well, that turned out like a arsey bunch of thoughts now didn’t it!

I was catching up with my team this morning in our good old conference room, when one of my girls (who’s relatively new and hopefully not reading this post) turned around and said, ‘I read your blog’. I think my jaw dropped somewhere inside my head because I had to be ‘composed’ in reality. I laughed it out, ‘what blog?’ I say. She said, ‘Im sure its you, it was emotional’ … okay, something dropped inside my head again… probably my heart when I thought there is SO much that I’ve written and ranted about that makes me so … what’s the word ‘exposed’? You know how sometimes you carry a professional outlook and you are all held together and walk around and no one gets to ever see the little fragments that are stuck together underneath the blanket of smiles that you wear- what if they get to see it? I wondered, what if I get judged, worse still what if it changes who I am or who I pose to be?

These thoughts remained in my head for about 10 minutes until we commenced our team meeting and then it got brushed off. Malcolm said Freedom of Speech I think? If you are judged for who you are, so be it. Who’s to stop a blank canvas and a painter just as who is to stop a blank paper and a writer with a pen. Having said that, (yes I do hope no other ‘known’ people discover the blog though!)- kind of elated too that I am discoverable, does that mean I’m famous?

Well I can always live in my little bubble and pretend that I am!

Apart from being famous and being discoverable- I discovered a few places. To start off with and for the lack of better things to write about and since my intercultural dilemmas are over (for now) and crisis seems to be at bay, I used the Christmas break to find out a or ‘discover’ a few new cafes. Its kind of a new year’s resolution to get out more often and try the things in my city. A friend once told me, ‘i’ll get you a Guide Book to Dubai so that you stop caving in your room and get out and be a little tourist in your city’ … so I figured why not?! I put together a list of to-do cafes and am on the run now!

Over Christmas break I tried out a popular spot called ‘The Farm’ at the Al Barari Residences- the weather is great for this outdoor spot. Its not really a ‘farm’ with sheep and the likes, its just nestled in the meadows of the city with lots of greenery and a lush little lake. Its a so-called winter right now which makes it the perfect time to take advantage of all things outdoorsy before the harsh summer slaps us in the face. Me and a few friends headed off for an early breakfast which was pleasant and packed with like-minded people who decided to head down for breakfast thinking it would be quiet. The place was packed with families in large groups and somewhere a kid’s birthday party with children running around. It was lively and breezy which made for the perfect atmosphere. A little fountain trickled onto a lake and the stretches of green made for a refreshing change.

I didn’t  find the menu as spectacular as per the recommendations but definitely worth the visit during the winter months. We had quite a good time with one of my mate’s new ‘selfie stick’ *groans*. See I have a thing about the GoPole which is good, but a Selfie Stick is a no no! you may call it hypocrisy but that’s how it is!

I am not the best at food reviews, but well I like trying out new places but if you are expecting me to jostle down the menu and the prices and the location map, I’ll leave that for a food blogger. I am an emotional breakdown blogger with philosophy to throw at your face. Deep conversationalist philosophy, dark twisted philosophy, optimistic rainbow philosophy or just philosophy (you get it…) and of course TRAVEL stories.

I really need to find the time to share the most amazing holiday I had when I travelled solo through Mumbai, Nasik, Delhi, Katmandu and Pokhara! I don’t think I’ll get over it yet until my next holiday which isn’t too far!

If you are in town- try the ‘Farm’ and if you’re not in town… *deep thinks* come to Dubai because its a good time to be around.. and of course a good time to discover ‘me’ but if you are in town and working with me, pretend to not know the anonymity! (not that I minded though surely..)

Until next time…

-T

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Coming back..

Don’t really know where to start but will have a stab at it…

I think its been around 4-5 months since I last blogged. I tried to do a come back around 6 weeks ago but that didn’t really work out too well- some wounds are too raw they say to heal too fast, but I occupied myself with work and travel and I feel like I’ve come out much stronger than I last thought and as always, I terribly miss blogging, writing, sharing… though I never stopped reading!

I’ve come to realise, as people realise, with the lessons they learn, the people they meet, the occurrences in life, that it doesn’t stop. Life goes on. When I found out that A was seeing someone else, a part of me kind of stopped. I didn’t think he was wrong – we had distance between us and there were problems so I didn’t expect him to just stop living.. but I expected to know when he decided to move on. We hadn’t broken up as such so I stopped when the reality sunk in. I stopped for about a couple of weeks, a little less than I had expected but what made it so short was my work. I was constantly on the move, paste a smile, focus on bigger things which salvaged me from the devastation that could have been. I was saved from being broken down into bits to have the need to pick up from scratch. I was grateful.

..and I learnt that life goes on.

As hard as it may have been, or is, because nothing seems concrete anymore and everything feels a little bit too farce, the pace of life got me through.. I wouldn’t say that it completely dragged me out of darkness but it minimised what the darkness felt or looked like because I just had to step out into the light every now and then. That saved me. I also think the pain of being let down kind of was also a saving grace, had it been any other way I would have probably been guilty, or it would have been a heart ache for a lifetime. I do wish he had waited or we could have seen what the 7 years worth of it could have translated into, but as life comes with an expiration date, maybe so does love, laughter and relationships?

I can’t define the space I am in right now, but I sure disconnected myself from everything that pained. I avoided the mere gist of a companion, I didn’t need it and life doesn’t revolve around love songs and candles. I hadn’t been on my own for seven years, probably spent a large chunk of the transition from a teenager to an adult being in a serious one, that I took the time to enjoy me. Simply being me. I reconnected with old friends, I made new ones. I took two pleasure breaks to India and Nepal (which I hope to write about later of the adventures there), I travelled alone, I regained my family in the process and whatever was left of me, I invested in new relationships where I discovered people, colleagues, places and hobbies.

Life is a journey where you stumble and fall (said Niko and Vince I think) and sometimes bruised knees teach you so much more than padded walls. There is no pleasure in a freshly stripped band-aid from the skin, or a fresh burn… but that very sensation and the vulnerability of that wound exposes you to something you couldn’t have experienced in any other way.

After taking the few months to breathe, I’ve made peace with the terms that change is inevitable, people change, me and you – we change or have the scope to change. Commitment is rare, promises can be broken. What you see is not what you always get, people have layers, a lot of layers to be discovered. Someone once told me that I was like an onion, every peel had a different set of secrets. I think people are all onions, the innermost layer is the secret that one tells only himself. The other layers can be discovered over time, some may never even be discovered. I think the more lessons I learn, the closer I hold my layers to my heart. The walls maybe strong but the insides are soft and can be damaged. Rugged walls definitely tell greater stories but one must always protect them as long and as far as they possibly could.

Love is a longing feeling, often misunderstood for material things. It’s not about the fine wine and the candle light, it’s about who’s going to be there for you in the end. The rarest kind of love is the one you see when you have your first-born child, the one you would feel at a funeral of a dear loved one that’s lost, the kind of love that’s so real like that of a child losing his little puppy dog to recreate that kind of love in today’s time and age, sans regret, sans infidelity, sans purpose and sans any form of benefit is a rarity, a blessing so when you can find and create that with another human being, all you can do you protect it, cherish it and hold it close to your heart and guard it with your life. Not everyone is gifted a miracle in a lifetime.

From my home to your, have a blessed Christmas!

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Good people do exist

I wrote a long post and it all just got deleted because I decided to highlight it and turn it into italics by typing an ‘I’ instead of the button on the top! Oh my days .. so here’s round 2.

This time I’ll keep it short and just dedicate this post to Hannah from Nepali Love Story (it was dedicated to her previously too)

I just want to let you know that thank you for making me realise that good people do exist- I was in need of a huge favour getting my  UK degrees attested. With all the good things happening and the job changes that were taking place, I wanted to change my visa from residency under my father to work and for senior positions, the law requires attested documents from the country of study. It is a long tedious process that I had earlier given up on when I first moved back from the UK. 

My first job in Dubai required these documents so I sent them to the UK and it was notarised in London and attested in Milton Keynes and it took around 2 months! By that time I was already working and nobody needed anything anymore so I never bothered. When I shifted jobs, I continued to stay under the residency visa and worked for a good 2 years and now to make travelling for work easier, I needed to urgently shift visas and these documents were required again. 

All the friends I have are based in Oxford or around UK but not in London so I went into panic mode not knowing who to ask for help and these being genuine degrees, can you really trust people? Then Hannah popped into my head. I knew she worked in London now and even though I didn’t know her personally, her beau is one of my favourite bhais who I was very close too, and I know that A and everyone else who were good friends with me know her, so I just hoped for the best and asked her. 

She readily accepted to help me out and I just fed-exed my degrees to her immediately. Now I didn’t know what to expect but it was my best bet so I just had to tell myself that I needed to trust her and wait. Hannah actually helped me more than I could ever asked for, she took leave from work, collected the degrees from the post office, went to the UAE embassy in London to get them attested, picked them up, researched on the fastest possible courier back and hopefully I should receive them this week. I don’t know how to thank her, but all I know is that if you ever need me, I’d be glad to help you out with anything!

The sudden panic and the urge to ask for help only made me realise that in today’s day and age people are too busy to stop or listen that expecting a favour from someone is quite a big deal. We don’t trust, we don’t have faith- maybe its the lessons that life teaches, the older we grow, the colder we become, we are more judgmental, more wary- while we do that rightfully so, I think moments like these are a blessing to make one realise that the goodness still exists. I really had no idea what I was doing but I just did it and I’m lucky to have found gold with my decision. We haven’t met, me and her, she knows me through the people I know her through but I can’t be grateful enough.

I’m so happy you and bhai are together, Hannah and I can’t wait for exciting news in the near future! I missed you guys this time in Nepal but we’ll catch up soon hopefully! I just wanted to give you a shout out for your kindness and for going out of your way for me, it means a great deal and just a huge THANK YOU and hugs your way! More power to you girl!

For all those planning to travel to UAE for work with degrees from abroad, please make sure your degrees are attested in your country of study and are legalised by a notary and by the UAE embassy of that country. Once you come down here, you’ll need them to be legalised again at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs before the Immigration services here will accept them for a visa change. This does depend on the position you are applying for or have been offered. If you need any help, you can always dropme a note!

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Lots of love, 

T

The Hiatus.

I’ve been missing for 4 months from the blogosphere. I counted four on my fingertips. April 12th was my last entry and today is the 17th of August 2014. That is 4 months and 5 days and I’ve dearly missed this space. I still ready a lot, all your blogs and all your posts, I just didn’t feel like writing. No, don’t get me wrong, I felt like writing but I didn’t feel like writing on this blog.

Why? Maybe because I’ve been reflecting for the past four months. I’ve been busy, there have been ups and downs- there has been some changes. I’ve made some choices, there have been some moves but I can say that I’ve been better through this hiatus period of mine. It could be called a healing. Was I healing? I kept thinking about the blog. Why did I land up on this space? Its not because I loved writing… I didn’t need a blog to quench my thirst for writing, I wrote anyway. On scraps of paper, in notebooks, on post-its, on the notepad in my trusty iPhone, I scribbled and squiggled anywhere, but I landed up this space wanting to learn more and share my own thoughts and experiences about intercultural relationships.

The past four months have been a healing process and also a discovering process where I discovered that I could learn to control my feelings, that I could accept the reality. Love, like no other I’ve had, but holding that close to my heart and just progressing with life, that’s something I needed to learn. I didn’t want to come on this space coz it hurt to be honest. It kept tapping at the spaces and the gaps, the vacuum was haunting. It was like an empty house in eerie woods. I would come here and all my fellow bloggers would still be talking about their relationships, their hardships or blisses, the new experiences or the routine, some were learning to cook while others were traveling the length and breadth of Nepal, some were learning the language or taking part in Dashian or Tihar or Bhai Tika or Ghai Puja and what not. I felt… left out and also unable to connect.

If I did actively take part, what was I doing? I wasn’t healing, I wasn’t helping myself and nor was I coming out of it. I couldn’t possibly get out of one intercultural relationship to enter another. No that wasn’t the purpose of the blog. It was to cherish A and only A. Everything to do with everything was about A and to be a better buhari, a better budi, a better bahini… suddenly the purpose was lost, the motive was stranded and I felt like a ship sailing without a shore. Yes as cheesy as it may sound, I felt like I was just sailing.

So I took the break, I read but didn’t write, I let the thoughts only pass my head, I indulged in other people’s happiness and that filled the spaces for me. I lived vicariously through you guys and that was peaceful in its own way. I never can call A an ex. He probably never will be. We buzz each other at times and even though he’s still bitter or turns bitter after a short conversation for me, for me he’s still A. My friends and colleagues tell me let bygones be bygones. But bygones? what is that supposed to mean? A is my whole world of happiness put into a person, you don’t let that go… at least not in spirit. To me, A is and always will be my forever after. Yes, it looks like I chose my family/ my dad over him. To many it may seem unfair, I had some of his friends buzz me and say, don’t do this to him, come to him. I was really relieved he had such good friends but what is perceived isn’t always the real story. I alone know the choices and the situations I was under and I alone know that I will love no other. That keeps me content.

Over the past four months, I have progressed in my career- I’ve had two promotions since April which is rare and I’m grateful to God for that, I’ve become stronger and I’ve got myself together- I still do have a long way to go with regards to “being strong”, every time I call A, I break down like a little child but I am better than I was yesterday. Dad is better and our relationship has been salvaged if I say so myself, they have loosened their grip a little and I think their faith in me is being restored. I will be taking my first trip to India later this year for a friend’s wedding and its an achievement that I’ve convinced them to let me go to India out of all places (since A is there they are usually worried) but it must be progress. Our family has become a family again.

On the other front, N has gone off to university and out of all the places she could choose, she’s gone back to Sri Lanka and mom is now stuck there until she’s settled. This alone time for me and dad should have allowed us to bond but work and life definitely gets in the way. A has started working which is great news for me. He’s finally serious about his career and with the bits and pieces I hear, I pray that this time he gets all that he wants. Sometimes I wish I could misuse my privileges to see him, but this time round I won’t toss it all away. I will have to put a stone on my heart and visit India yet not visit him. Why you ask?

Trust. After 2 years my parents have finally come to the terms with life, they’ve started believing me again and I can’t throw it all away again. I must be honest and not try sneak away, at least not this time. AS hard as it would be for me to be in the same country as he, but not take a flight up to Sikkim, its probably another test for me. I wouldn’t know what I would even say though if I saw him? Have I come to settle? Have I come to stay? I will definitely shatter like ice in a glass of warm water- everything I’ve built will go away. Then again I’m scared… he keeps scaring me, he keeps saying he’ll get married if I don’t come- what if… what if there is someone? Shattering will be an understatement then.

The above are some serious mixed thoughts. When you take a hiatus from writing, the minute your fingers a sheet of white, all you have are thoughts flowing out, comprehensive, incessant and in abundance. Like bottled up fizz waiting to come out. In case you are wondering, I’ve been … taking a break from my thoughts but hopefully I’m back now.

Thank you for all the emails wondering where I was and thank you for still looking out for me and stopping by on the blog. I truly appreciate it.

Love,

T . x

Marriage: is it all that happy?

Don’t get me wrong by the title of my post, but more and more people I know are winding up in unhappy marriages. Either they are happily married but factors around them tend to make them unhappy, or they get forced into marriages they don’t want, or modernity of the lifestyles make it apparent that two very broad minded or independent people can’t seem to find some solace together. … Or maybe its just me knowing a lot of troubled people, but I know very happy couples, but I also know increasingly unhappy ones.. and usually the unhappiness doesn’t trail off from each other solely but by other random things that have taken priority.

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Are we too open-minded and free to be able to live with another? It doesn’t have to be a love marriage or an arranged marriage that fail or tend to fail, its just all sorts of marriages. I think people have started to own themselves a little too much. I may be that way a little myself. We are so full of ourselves that it seems to be difficult to alter our lives around someone else, but even if we do.. mainstream things like partner’s fiends, family, career, bank balance.. it just seems to affect individuals.

We’re in a world where people tend to say “you buy your beer and I’ll buy mine” .. what’s the cause? Are we too educated to be abel to mould? Is it our surroundings that leave us wanting more with or without the support of a partner? More and more people are opting to be career-oriented and single. Is this because a relationship might be too difficult to maintain around your other priorities in life, like careers, social, education etc?

I’ve seen people shy away from marriage after really long periods of courtship… back in the day, marriage was second nature, and now it is more of a fully calculated decision and there is also no shying away from divorce or separation. Single parents are a common thing because well, you can afford it and people are getting married really late.

Are we not being able to make sound decisions? I know people who’ve been in love and have gotten married, now advising others not to.. they say “stay single and enjoy..I wish I knew then what I know now” .. this keeps me wondering “what” is actually the revelation anyway? A marriage comes with compromise from both sides to gain harmony in each other’s lives.. once the honeymoon period is over, there is a black hole. You either succumb, ignore, or whine.

A couple arguing

I’ve come to the thinking that two people need to be broad minded to allow each other into their lives with their good and bad, flaws and all the baggage because that’s what life is. Everyone has a past, everyone has flaws and no one is perfect but as long as you are willing to accept them and their circumstances, it will simplify life. I know some couples who are in joint families and they are either unhappy or are silently drifting apart because one of them don’t want to adjust their time for the sake of greater family time. So here there is one person who wants to live with his/her family and there is their partner who wants to live in a separate house with the partner which would be the ideal scenario. 

There are always solutions around things, but when one partner is more adamant and rooted about their point and won’t look at it from another perspective, it becomes difficult to communicate, until one gives up- that isn’t healthy. Is today’s generation of couples strong minded to not communicate? Do they give up too quickly? Do they stop caring after a while? Are we past the age when things bothered us to a point it would affect our lives and now people just …. move on?

What do you think is the issue these days with couples?

-T